Rebel Without a Love
by Colette D
Summary: [Slash.] Jim reflects on Plato's death and wonders if it really is Judy that he loves...


Disclaimer and Author's Note: I wrote this because I asked for the Reel Without a Cause section, and never got one, and I'm on a RWaC hype because of the play my high school put on. It was the greatest! T___T *cry* But it's gone....And by the way, I don't own the great movie/play that is Rebel Without a Cause...and so here's my story.  
  
//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\  
  
-|- In Memory of James Dean, whom I love -|-  
  
\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//  
  
I watched as the form of Plato collapsed into my arms and crumpled to the ground. My only real best friend. I remember all those other cities and towns...No one ever really cared about me. Hell, who would really care about a rebel like me? And then Mom and Dad moved me here. Here to this low-lifed town with shallow-minded people who like to run off the edge of cliffs....Yeah...And no one really cared. I didn't mind. I was used to it...But not Plato. That little messed up kid with no parents to love him. Just that silly old nanny. He was always there, and a lot of others might say that he was some kind of annoying little brat, or as Buzz called him, "Chicken Little." But he wasn't a chicken...not really was he little...  
  
"I got the bullets! Look!" I tried screaming as if he would come back. As if the damned officer that shot him would reverse in slow motion and wouldn't shoot him again.  
  
"Hey, jerkpot.....What'd you do that for...?" Tears were beginning to form and burn their way down my cheek. I started to crawl away from the lifeless body that was my friend, sobbing and dragging myself.  
  
I noticed his different socks. That stupid kid was always doing stuff like that...Always forgetting something...I started laughing, not understanding why. Dad was trying to talk to me...but how could I listen? How could I listen to what I didn't want to hear? I grabbed onto Dad's leg, crying and sobbing.  
  
"Help me..." He knelt down with me and started talking.  
  
"You can depend on me." He said.  
  
"Trust me. Whatever comes, we'll face it together. I swear it." He took in a long breath and tried to pull me up.  
  
"Now Jim, stand up. I'll stand up with you. I'll try and be as strong as you want me to be. Come on." He helped me up, myself fighting for resistance. I never wanted to leave Plato's side. He was only searching for a family.  
  
"This poor baby got nobody. Just nobody!" Plato's old nanny was crying just as hard as I, rocking back and forth upon that bench. I looked back at her and bent down to Plato, zipping up my red jacket for him, she putting in her necklace.  
  
"He was always cold..." I started to cry again as Judy pulled me into a hug. I stopped myself, controlling myself. I was supposed to be older. I couldn't act like a baby anymore...  
  
"Mom...Dad...This is Judy. She's my friend..." I swallowed hard and walked with Judy back to the car.  
  
"You ok?" I had my arm around her, the night air encasing us both. And me without my jacket...  
  
"No." That's all I could say. That's all I wanted to say. Because in reality, I wasn't ok. For God's sake, didn't anyone understand that my best friend had just been shot and died?! Had no one realized that it didn't matter that I was guy, and that I have reason to cry?! No one? Not even Judy?  
  
"I...um...Have to go." I quickly let go of Judy and started walking in the other direction. No one seemed to have a clue that I was in emotional trauma here?  
  
"But Jim!" Judy tried to call me back and all I did was look back to her and shake my head. Was I really in love with her? Someone who was beautiful, intelligent, a rebel like myself, and misunderstood? Someone like whom I've always wanted? I guess so...But what about Plato? I loved him too...  
  
I took a drive down old Memory Lane. Really, though, I was cruising down the street, past Plato's house...Past Judy's. I couldn't think straight at all. Death is life's worst mystery. I wonder why no one knows nothing about that absolute infinity...I guess we won't know until we die, right?   
  
I pulled over to the side of the grass. I was back at the bluff...That one night replaying in my head. I couldn't believe that Buzz went over the edge; but hey, better him than me, right? No...That's not how I feel now. I edged forward to the end of the cliff. That drop and the cold, dark ocean was starting to look real good...Real good. But I know it's not worth it.  
  
Parents always say that it's never worth it to hurt yourself. To kill yourself. To smoke. To drink. To do drugs. To drive real fast. To drop out of school. To be a class clown. To hang out with the wrong people. And all us kids can say is 'whatever'. But we really want to say is that 'You know, how bout you go back and tell yourself that', or something like, 'Well howcome you do it?', and the like. But they never take the actual time to listen, you know?  
  
In between this whole controversy in my head...I realized...That the one I loved was already dead, and that person would never know. The one I loved was not Judy....Not Judy. Plato.  
  
"Goodbye..." 


End file.
